Throughout 2023 rumors have swirled that some woman has tamed and domesticated the cagy Zmuda.  Only the bravest of people could successfully achieve such a feat, but veteran Zmuda watchers caution against assuming that this will increase the threat posed to the world.  

"It seems more likely that rather than domesticating him, the marriage will actually

quadruple the threat he poses to the world."

-Anonymous Zmuda Watcher

We can only hope that the offerings and sacrifices presented at the wedding will placate him... for now.   

While the vows remain shrouded in mystery we have created a likely approximation of the vows based on an AI chatbot's interpretation of Ryan Zmuda and his ambitions.  

Original Zmuda: "My dearest partner in crime, on this day we join together in the name of evil, to conquer and rule the world as one. From this moment on, I pledge my undying allegiance to you, my wicked accomplice."

New Zmuda: "My wickedly charming love, today we unite as partners in our quest for world domination. I vow to stand by your side as we scheme and plot, using every cunning strategy at our disposal to achieve our goals."

Original Zmuda: "I promise to honor and respect your devious nature, to support your every plan no matter how dastardly, and to work tirelessly with you to bring about the downfall of all those who dare to stand in our way."

New Zmuda: "And I vow to do the same, to always have your back in our pursuit of power, and to never falter in our quest to rule over all the lands and peoples of the world."

Original Zmuda: "Together we will be unstoppable, our power and influence spreading like a dark cloud over all who oppose us. With your help, I know we can achieve anything we set our sights on, and nothing will stand in our way."

New Zmuda: "I couldn't agree more, my diabolical love. Together, we will bring about a new era of darkness and despair, where all bow down before us and our might. Let our reign of terror begin!"